I find that Aspie women never compete with each other, or almost never. We have our own ideals and goals to strive for—that is enough to keep us occupied. Yet, it often seems like other females are so occupied with competing with us–competing for men, jobs and other resources such as attention, that they can cause great problems for us where none would otherwise exist. I want to be clear–I’m not referring to all NT women. But the things I”m talking about—bitchy little nonsense things whether in high school, on the job or at a cocktail party—are not in the capabilities or mindset of Aspergirls. I remember one time as a shy teenager looking down to make sure my bra wasn’t showing and I overheard a few girls laugh and say “look at her making sure her boobs are sticking out”. Such a thing would not have occurred to me. It is often said we don’t understand other people. but I think it’s more a case of other people not understanding us.
Recently a non-aspie woman was having a glass of wine with me and a friend and she kept pointing out my physical flaws in front of him and asking what it was like being “older”. She told my handsome male friend that “women of a certain age get these funny things happening to their bodies”. A bloke will never take sides in these kinds of catty events. They either don’t notice, don’t care, or think it’s funny. They don’t realize how much it can hurt and how women and girls have messed with our heads and lives with nonsense like this for too long. Women like that are often quite popular, and the reason some men like them, is not because they care if a woman is a good person or not, but the woman is so busy making trouble for other women that she doesn’t bother him, and in fact, is probably really good at flirting and making him feel like a million bucks.
Also recently, a woman said to me that I was “nothing in Europe. No one has heard of you.” First of all, I would never say to another human being “you’re nothing.” Second of all, it wasn’t true. It is indicative of the kind of petty undermining that some—NOT ALL—non-aspie women sometimes like to pull. For too long we have borne the brunt of this kind of conniving. We have taken hits, wondering what we have done to deserve it. We lose lovers, apartments, friends, jobs, even get pushed out of schools because some insecure woman has nothing better to do than obsess over what else she can grab for herself while we’re busy trying to make the world a better more honest place.
I am so grateful for my IAS Ambassadors. We talk, we confide, we laugh, we support and we never, ever, backstab or connive against one another. It feels like a kind of utopian arrangement. Peace in a non-peaceful world. We inspire, we love. Aspergirls are not known for being sophisticated. But what is sophisticated about cruelty? Maybe we are the new sophisticates—showing by example that women can be united, that the world needs both men and women, and for too long women have pulled each other down by the hair in a self-sabotaging ploy to be someone else’s ideal of feminine.
Mark my words—when you stand up for yourself against these women, either directly, or indirectly, it will be YOU, not them, that is accused of making trouble. Be prepared, be diplomatic, do not name call, stay calm. You have the truth on your side. You will not lose true friends—Anyone who leaves you because of this, was never your friend in the first place.